it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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