I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
