HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
