Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
