make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
