she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
