I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's never too late to be topless.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
