and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize