I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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