Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
