He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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