hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
