Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
