I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she told me i tasted like america
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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