She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You pole danced in your parka.
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I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.