Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.