This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We had to coat check the pizza.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever