Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?