I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
