mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.