she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
third nipple confirmed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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