yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
