my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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