wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
