Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
