Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Im part way to drunk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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