In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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