Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
