Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
