He is an equal opportunity slut.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
