He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
