If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
