My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
