the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize