Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
