I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
