i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
