He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
