You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I supernannyed him into submission
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
