do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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