who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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