well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
