kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
