Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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