Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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