This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
its liver damage thursday
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
