it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
