Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
