I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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