my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
