i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
