I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
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I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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