its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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