Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
