In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
honey bunches of taint.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
