I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
