So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
