Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
