dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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