if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Never joke about your clitoris.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
