In the future we'll all be gay
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
