big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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