i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
