I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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