Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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