Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
