totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
