He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
