remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
